Feel the Pain

By

Rabbi Moshe Rothchild

"Do not oppress the stranger, for you know the soul of a stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt." (Exodus 23:9)

In the middle of a variety of laws that are related to how we treat others the Torah warns us not to mistreat the stranger (resident alien). The simple meaning of the verse is quite clear. The experience of the Jewish people in Egypt taught them how easy it is to abuse the most helpless and marginal in society. Their experience should make them most sensitive to others. In fact this theme is repeated 36 times in the Torah! The Torah is telling us to act justly towards the stranger and this justice is born out of compassion and empathy.

R. Nosson Tzvi Finkel, the "Elder of Slobodka," (1849-1927) was the head of the famous Slobodka yeshiva, where he taught Torah in the "mussar" tradition, which emphasized applied ethics, the development of positive character traits, and service to others. He did not feel that the reading of this verse was so simple.

Please do not explain these words according to their plain meaning, that we are forbidden to oppress a stranger because we too have been strangers and have been oppressed, and thus know the taste of oppression. Rather, the reason is that a person is obligated to feel and to participate in the happiness of his/her fellow, and also their troubles, as if they had afflicted him as well. "You shall love your fellow person as yourself" (Leviticus 19:18)- truly just like yourself. A person's relationships to others is not found to be complete unless he/she can feel himself and his fellow person as being in the same situation, without any separation. (Source: Itturei Torah)

R. Nosson wants us to be so in touch with the people around us that we experience their joy and pain as our own. It is a completely different level of emotional connection demanding that we transcend ourselves and become completely emotionally present with those around us. He is basing himself on the words in the verse “for you know the soul of a stranger.”  We are not to know and feel for the other just because of a past experience. Rather you should be deeply identified with their experiences, feeling their pain as yours, their happiness as your own.

Often when someone experiences a trauma this motivates them to a higher level of sensitivity to others who are experiencing a similar trauma. What Reb Nosson is saying that we need not undergo any trauma or experience in order to be empathetic towards others. It should be completely organic and not a choice that we make. Instead of someone actively choosing to involve themselves in someone else’s pain it should, in fact not be a choice at all. They should feel the other person’s pain so profoundly that they are left without a choice. I don’t help because I know the pain they are going through; I help because I am experiencing the pain myself!

There is a story told of Reb Aryeh Levine, know as the Tzaddik (Righteous) of Jerusalem who once took his wife to the doctor because her toe was hurting her. When the doctor inquired as to what was the reason for the visit Reb Aryeh responded, “Our toe is hurting us.” His wife’s pain was acutely felt by Reb Aryeh as well.

What Reb Nosson is suggesting is not easy but deeply important. Perhaps though if we tried to connect with others on the deepest level it would make some difficult decisions seem obvious. Why should I help a victim of spouse abuse? If you felt the blows as your own pain of course you would. Why should I visit the sick in the hospital? If you felt the pain of those who are ill of course you would. Why should I invite someone to my home? If you felt their loneliness as your own it would be an easy decision.

Reb Nosson imagined a world where we would have no excuses for not helping each other. Excuses would be irrelevant as we would be living lives that would not allow us to ignore those around us. The gap between people would be bridged. Reb Nosson could imagine it. Can we? Can we afford not to?